Invisibility to yourself, is an exceptionally common thing when you’re different.
Allow me to explain. If you relate, you will.
I have seen this situation with those who are truly special and are unique in their own way.
Most people are NOT unique and different. They’d only like to fancy themselves as such.
They are boring cookie-cutter clones of each other. They all look, dress, speak, and, think the same. You can predict what is coming next because you follow patterns of people very well. Actions change, and patterns? They rarely do. Each phrase in their life is parroted from a movie they watched, a TV show they enjoy, a best friend who slipped it in their head, or their family who hammered something inside them. So when you’re NOT a clone of someone, this life is exceptionally hard for you.
You become invisible to YOUR OWN SELF.
You do what every other brainwashed idiot around you is doing, because you desperately want to fit in. I remember this pain starting from when I went to school. For reasons that did not strike me at the time, I stood out like a sore thumb. As a kid, I just wanted to fit in, so that other kids wouldn’t be mean to me and say nasty things about me. Every child wants to be liked and accepted.
Of course they did say horrible things, because I wasn’t predictable like them. This only gets WORSE as you get older. Being special, unique, and, different — are labels that I do not ascribe to many, because many are not. Those who can fit into society, this Russian Roulette we call LIFE, have never felt the deep ache and pain of feeling like “why wasn’t I just like everyone else?”. They are LUCKY and I consider the majority, fortunate; because they can do all the “normal” things and not feel anything. No displacement. No questioning. Nothing. It’s an empty shell. An empty husk.
When I was younger, and even till today — sometimes I have thought that. My life would have been tonnes easier if I was just another average woman on this planet. I would have easily had a nice easy going bunch of friends, found it easy to find some man who would be my husband because well — any man will do right ? — and lived an average life. When you’re average, everything is average. Average friends, average spouse, average money, average car, average life….
But all of that would have been the pain of self-betrayal, in other words, knowing that is NOT who you really are. As I set out to LIVE my life for MYSELF and under no doctrine of man that was placed upon me, I found myself thinking “If only, if only i was just normal like everyone else…if only”.
But that “only”, is being invisible to yourself.
The sadness and ache of being so different to what “normal people” are, so what you’re MEANT TO BE — but not knowing what it even looks like.
I had no role models growing up. There was not a single person I can remember, who inspired me to even remotely take on any of their traits. I grew up bored, utterly BORED of people, feeling lonely in this world, and questioning my identity all the time. The only thing that kept me grounded and focused was having a STRONG connection to the Divine — through talking to THE ALMIGHTY, GOD, THE MOST MERCIFUL, THE MOST GRACEFUL, prayer, and practicing Spirituality. I spent a lot of time in meditation, talking to the Old gods, reciting the Qu’ran, and through that, I was able to figure out what real Kindness, Love, Compassion, and, Emotional Strength, is 🙂
It has taken me a long, long time — to find people who I greatly admire and respect. And that is what people who are truly unique do. We just think we really are all the horrible things people call us.
Mad, Weird, Crazy, Lunatic — not to mention all the strange looks that go along with it.
Until we come across someone or a bunch of people that make us feel less alone, less crazy, less weird, and allow us to sit with our madness, our frazzled emotions and spirit and assure us that we are perfectly normal and functioning, as is.
If you’re an average normal person in this world, by default, you’re mindless, mean, and, selfish. We cannot expect anything from you and nor do we bother. You have NO comprehension of compassion or kindness, and see them as useless and weak.
Jealousy ranks at the top of the list for you, so you’re competitive and want to be the best, irrespective at whose expense it is at. You expect people to give, give, and, give more — without any comprehension of a reciprocal relationship. You’re shallow, fake, immature, hollow, and, have never once questioned your entire identity — because every sedative, sex, alcohol, gambling, pornography, workaholism, addiction to money — has you so busy, seeing outside the energy fence, would have never occurred to you.
You’re just here to make a living, survive, live an average life, and, die.
And this is where the pain begins and ends for someone unique.
In a sea of clones and robots, you learn you’re alone until you find someone, maybe even one person — who understands you. Another REAL human being.
This world is a terrible place for someone who is unique and different. You are punished for being YOURSELF on a daily basis, starting with having firm opinions of your own life because you don’t bleat like a sheep. You discover you’re not here to be liked, accepted, and, validated. You discover that real maturity exists outside the spectrum where you dare to BE YOU, because you chose the evergreen fuck you to societal sheep rule.
You may be punished by the masses for not being one of them.
But, the worst punishment is the ache inside your heart everyday when you betray yourself through being invisible.
And the day you made your choice that Average, as a unique person is not for you, — life transforms. You stop settling for bullshit and stop settling to be accepted to fit in. You stop settling for “just having clients”, “just having someone to come home to because people say it’s weird i’m still single”, and “just living life”.
If someone and something doesn’t LIGHT YOU UP, it’s the wrong thing. Your LOVE and KINDNESS should know no boundary when it comes to living in honour and integrity for yourself.
Because if you don’t recognise yourself in the mirror, someone one day will. And it will frighten you so much — you won’t stand being around them.
In BUSINESS — IF THERE IS NO FIT, IT’S A NO.
In LOVE — IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DROWN SOMEONE IN YOUR LOVE LIKE A HURRICANE, IT’S A NO.
In LIFE — IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE THE NONSENSE, IT’S A HELL NO.
But maybe, just maybe — what you’re running from is, the mirror you truly need to wake up from your nightmare..
Tear your mask off.
….Your face is glorious
You have the power to break free and BE SEEN.
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