“Are goals just goals?”
“Do we want something bigger?”
I felt my heart flood with questions. Peppered with confusion, sadness, and intrigue. No meditation, lying in my bed, being 35,000 ft in the air, or below sea level on trains, could have answered this for me. I knew what had happened and what time it had come to. I remember Belvia (my spirit guide) saying “Spartanite isn’t your be and end all. You have MORE work you will be called for. There is more of what will be born inside you to serve Humanity at a bigger level. You will have people join you in this Divine Mission”. Building Spartanite, has been one hell of a fuckary, all by itself. Building it whilst I was recovering from a Hell with sulphuric, blood-laden tears, most people never survive (let alone talk about), is a noteworthy achievement. So as I looked at Spartanite slowly chugging along the tracks happily, more questions flooded in, Faster than I was ready for. Answers that I was terrified to answer because I knew there had to be a way to use Sparty as a vehicle for dramatic and drastic change. If I did it without Spartanite, I would be plunged into a hidden floor of Hell that I would have little way of ever escaping. I have already clawed myself out of 9 floors, I wasn’t looking for an Encore. So I had to stick to the Steel Slat that I had created within me. Better safe and well-protected, than sorry.
Balancing a “normal” personal life whilst growing into a Divine Mission, is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever faced.
Each facet of my personal life, is linked into Spartanite and will grow into something bolder, and bigger. Even when I am having my nails done, something about Sparty, hits me. I am half asleep at 4 am, with new insights as to what people want and how I can serve them. I eat in a restaurant and the thoughts haunt me of what ELSE I need to address to repair. People are asleep or watching Netflix on a plane and I am looking at the fluffy pretty clouds, waving and singing to them, and of course; Spartanite comes back into my head. It’s like a obsession, a never ending desire, a permeated deep DARK red flame that burns inside of me. The flame that every single person that meets me or comes to this site, REMEMBERS FOR LIFE. Sometimes, a modest flame. Other times, a blazing inferno. The purity of FIRE.
To the outside world, Spartanite is just a self development/empowerment platform I run with my wonderful team. To me, I know how many people I can save through my work. I know how many doors and cages I will tear open. How many lives I can change, so Spartanite wasn’t an “option” for me. Kicking and screaming, my Spirits FORCED me to build it. In all honesty, i’d have rather picked something easier.
I have bargained with the Underworld many times. And by Underworld, I mean my own psychic ability that shows me things that an average human would just rather not know of, or see. Things once you have seen, you just cannot un-see. Even if you go physically blind, your 3rd eye just keeps showing you what they think needs to be shown to you. I learned a few years back that bargaining with my Spiritual Court (The Council, as I address them as), just won’t do me any favours. It isn’t going to allow me to have a nice little safe, comfortable life, where I can hide like a wallflower. It won’t let me be a safe, nice, placid, boring woman whom no one notices. Spartanite forced me to walk into a bigger version of myself, a version that frightened the young woman I once was. I dreamed of being a Spartanite, little did I know how MUCH was required of me, to fill in those shoes. I remember standing in my wonderful first red toga (Sparty red goddess dress in some of my old photos) in lush fountains encompassing a huge courtyard mansion, half way across the world and when the photographer was asking me to smile, my body froze. I couldn’t move. The sheer insanity of what Spartanite was going to become hit me.
There was no turning back any longer.
I stared at that picture for months after it was taken. People ooh’d and aah’d over it. I was still frozen. I had seen the fire in that woman’s eyes. She looked like a lovely woman, the 9 of Pentacles woman and the Empress, the woman I had always absolutely and UTTERLY dreamed of becoming. She was my ultimate role model, a feminine woman with power, kindness, and Divinity.
And here I was in my living room, terrified and frozen. The 9 of Pentacles woman, is the self- sufficient, wealthy, independent lady. We do believe in her story that she does have her man somewhere, but we don’t know much of him by the sounds of it. He sounds about as crazy busy with a few businesses, like her. The focus is on her in the story– and how hard and strategically she has worked to become the Queen to her husband, the — busy as hell, no time to eat, breathe, or sleep— Emperor — as his Empress as well as maintain her own identity. She keeps him in check and he is grateful that she isn’t a princess he has to save but a Queen that walks with him, and beside him. There is an old saying, “be careful what you wish for“. I had dreamed of becoming that 9 of Pentacles woman even before the Empress or the High Priestess. I dreamed of having my own identity, my own millions, my OWN life where I could feed ducks in the afternoon if I pleased, teach a cake or chocolate making class, or bellydance until I dropped. A life that no one could have bought for me, or sold me, rather. A life of my own choosing. A life other women would look at, and think “hey, you know what? I CAN do it too!”.
A life that only having the courage to walk with your Divine Mission rewards you.
I wanted TRUE Freedom.
To be the Sovereign Feminine Spartanite.
Only the Strong Survive.