Blessed Winter Solstice to everyone, as the energy holds right just before Christmas!
This month has been a smorgasbord of energies, with Solstice, Christmas, Brexit, “Covid”, and, the Saturn/Jupiter Conjunct. It’s okay if you’re feeling not all here, we have 5G to thank for that as well…
In the Northern Hemisphere, Solstice marks the shortest day of Winter in December, a time to remember to pull away, hibernate, and, go away and learn new things for yourself. A time of deep reflection like a twinkle of fresh snow falling off a branch. Solstice has taught me many things and one of the things I wish to share, is this horrible deep seated shame that almost every member of society seems permeated with, about “holding it all together”.
Healthy regulated human beings do NOT have it all together, you’re not meant to. That is where toxic shame creeps in quickly.
For instance, I belong to a culture where everything is assbackwards (in general) and if you’re a woman? Doubly so. The amount of shame that women who look like me carry, is just sad and disgusting. In many instances, I missed the boat on the programming of that shame, so I find it easy to deprogramme others, but understand that remorse is when you feel sorry for the mistake, shame is when you feel you ARE the mistake.
No one is a mistake. We are not mistakes, we simply make them as we learn moving forward in life.
This reminds me of a time of the people who initially designed Spartanite site, many years back. Their work was phenomenal and I ended up finding someone who had ripped their whole site, word for word and passed it off as his own. This is a common problem lol. Many people have done chunks of copy and paste of the work I personally sell because they know my work, WORKS and well, when your work is stellar, people have no choice but to emulate. Such is the nature of things. Every other day I get someone saying “omg HEY, did you see such and such a person has literally taken your work?” and I always say “yes, I have, it’s old news. I have better things to do with my life” You can steal a bunch of words, you cannot steal the energy of the provision, is what I often say. You can either choose to dwell on nonsense, or you can choose to vibrate out of it and vibrate higher. In fact, if you asked me, you’ve got a serious damn problem if someone ISN’T trying to take your work. You’ve obviously not made your mark strong, enough.
Greatness is simply imitated, never replicated.
So what is toxic shame and how do we feel it (and most importantly, how do we heal it?)
I will be audacious to say that most people view life from a trauma based lens. I certainly know my own experiences, and know plentiful of others. In each situation, the more trauma, the more warped the perception.
As you heal, you have more grace and compassion; not only for others however most importantly, for yourself. Toxic shame is that horrible, nagging, crippling feeling of “no matter what I do, no matter how great I look or appear to be, no matter how much this or that; inside I am NEVER enough”. Most of the populace feels this way. I surely once did. I had a conversation once with a Spirit who said “you know Nadia, most people glide past HEALING the CORE, hence no matter what they achieve, it is always built on pain and a shaky internal foundation.”. I have a great level of respect for the Spirit who said it. Toxic shame comes from BEING shamed (abuse) and low self esteem.
Esteem is your worthiness of what you feel you’re TRULY worth. A work in progress and something I decided to work with Belial on in Scorpionic Empowerment (click here to discover more). Scorpionic is the ultimate restoration of the inner worthiness bank, an “inner upgrade” of your boundaries and standards and what you feel entitled to (in a healthy manner) and allows you to pursue your new happy life, with vigor.
Where healthy esteem resides, toxic shame, CANNOT.
Feeling like you haven’t done X by Y age, is a common thing. I still catch myself doing it from time to time. Majority of people have NEVER stopped to question how THEY truly feel on the inside because they are always yelled and screamed at by their family, friends, whatever — and it drowns the quiet whispers of their OWN longing and desires. There is a SET way to things, and God Forbid you “deviated” from them. You’re not married and have kids “by a certain age”, the masses begin asking questions. You haven’t bought a big house, your family begins wondering. You decide you want to travel for a year, your friends wonder how you will support yourself.
People who haven’t experienced and tasted freedom, are always busy trying to tell you what to do with yours...or as I always say “it’s the MF with no magick telling what to add to your ritual *eye roll* “. For instance, I tell a story, a life experience if you have about myself when I was around 18. I was seeing a guy and when I told him that I am looking to set up a company within the year, I heard no level of support or joy in his voice. In a bitter, off-setting miserably envious tone, I got “and where do you think you’re gonna find the money for that?”. The funny part, is so many years have gone by, and when I think of that moment, I could have EASILY been imprinted with toxic shame, HIS SHAME, of not having done much with HIS life (hope you’re seeing where I am going with this…) but I didn’t. I shortly ended it after that. The last I checked, a friend of mine knows someone he knows, he’s still in the same place of life, materially, financially, physically, energetically — such is life, huh…
People love dumping their shame onto you.
I’ll never forget a boy at my college saying to me “with the way you behave, you’ll never get married”, sniggering like a fool (aka you’re a little slave to our demands as men, and don’t you dare forget it). Comical and peasant like, at it’s finest.
DISCLAIMER : It’s a a commonly, and, thinly (might I add)… veiled threat, in my culture to shame women that they will never marry because everything resides in a woman’s “honour” and her marital status at a familial and communal level. Personally seeing, it is a boring and redundant concept because I am my OWN woman, before I am anyone’s, wife. I belong to myself first, a luxury that is not afforded to many women in the world, much less those who resemble my complexion.
I looked at him and replied “and thankfully when I do marry, it will never be to an idiot and low life, like you…”. These are small instances of toxic shame people can carry. There are things people have said to me, of course all narcissistic in nature that there is a tendency and desire to shame people because you YOURSELF are coming from a place of shame. When you know YOURSELF, no one can shame you. I have had many people say “how do you erm — tell people you’re psychic? Are you nervous? What does your family think that you practice your work?”…
I mean nervous, about what LOL — it’s like telling someone I am a woman? It’s what I AM. Getting psychic answers and chatting to Spirits is as normal as eating lunch for me. Why would I feel shame for being intact with my gift of sight and feeling? Strange. But that is because I don’t hang around individuals who find connecting to the Other Realm, something that is laughable because immaturity is unattractive in the first place.
I am FREE of people’s eyes and tongues as my cage. I don’t need people’s approval and acquiescence, to live a life of my own choosing. That alone, makes a person remarkably dangerous. It is easy to control someone when you can shame them to for stepping out of the “sheep pen”
No shame. No control.
You’re not meant to have all of it together. People will shame you. It’s how they make themselves feel better about their own miserable lives. They shame you because they are envious and angry that you have the COURAGE to live free, wild, and, march to the beat of the drum only you hear.
And for all of your bad days, always remember…
…a bad day doesn’t mean you have a bad life!
YOU’RE RIGHT WHERE YOU REQUIRE, BEING.
Signing out for 2020, will be back with sparkly updates <3
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